Do Something That Scares You

With God as my witness, they took the mic from my hand but not the songs from our hearts.

This is failing fast, and often, doing something like this. Nothing good ever came from a comfort zone so get uncomfortable.

Public speaking is a tough thing to do, and I have over the years found my voice. I used to be a wallflower at parties, but turns out I know tons of great stories people really enjoy. I had been on TV a ton of times as a celebrity photographer in the late 90s, but always had a weird tremor in my voice and got choked up. I had bad stage fright. Now I absolutely love presenting and pitching to people.

My cousin Jordan is one of those people that can just talk to strangers and get them to laugh their butts off. When we get together it is amazing fun, people gravitate to us. Person at register in a Target, random girl looking at stuffed animal in the back of a truck in a gas station parking lot, random meathead on an elevator? Check, check, check. I think after I did some of the things I mention here, he and I now sort of go out and aim to be comedic clowns given the opportunity.

1. Shakespeare onstage at the Rose Bowl

A few years ago I was driving around the Rose Bowl enjoying a warm summer late night with the top down, it was somewhere around my 35th birthday. That morning there was some sort of event, probably a run-walk or something so the stage there was enough for about 5–6 people, but it was also not some rinky-dink thing, it was pretty sturdy.

I spun my car around to light up the stage and while posing for a comic selfie, a few joggers slowed down, one egged me on. So… I started doing a few monologues, then more people showed up, we all had a good time, chuckled a bit. I was up there for a few minutes, I even got to play Juliet to some jogger’s Romeo. It was amazing how much people remembered and it went on for a bit. A good time was had by all. When I ran out of things to say, I took a bow and got applause. At least I didn’t have to sing.

https://www.facebook.com/tim.hunold/videos/10151498052691527

I can always say I got applause for performing Shakespeare at the Rose Bowl. +5 confidence points

2. Open Mic At Stanford

I had never been to Palo Alto before, so my friend John took me to a coffee house in the middle of the village. It is the kind of place that took BitCoin as a payment option when it was only about $20. While standing on line I made some form of quip to my friend, and as he chuckled, I kept going. Coffee is a slow process, like the DMV or a kid’s talent show, so I had plenty of time and observational material. As I went on people on line with us started laughing out loud and looking at me. One guy told me to come back later and go for the open mic, so I did.

The process was just show up and have the guts to sign up and it turns out out of two hours worth of 5 minute slots I got to me the fourth out of six to sign up. Standing there, I looked like somebody’s dad, not a student. I went at code, people, and a few anecdotes from my life. Turns out the next guy got cold feet so I had to stretch out my time. I slayed. I got a free cup of coffee and a scone, compliments of the house. People tried to follow me on Twitter, but I wasn’t a performer, I was just a bitter old dude but I have an open invite to return. That invite is about 4 years old, and I am not taking them up on it.

I peaked too early. But then again, free scones.
+10 confidence points; +600 grams of carbs

3. Elbowroom, San Diego

Any jerk can get hammered and do karaoke with friends, but it takes real bravado to do it stone sober with co-workers and clients present. San Diego is 50% brewery, and happy hour is not so much a time as a proclamation that once uttered, it is happening and so this was inevitable.

At the time I was working as a consultant on SDG&E, and as public utilities go, they are pretty serious, but as soon as 5pm hit, everyone sprinted to the bars, especially when we were paying. As we got there it was baseball playoff time, but it was also live band Tuesday, so we got a good table that happened to be next to the area they made in to a stage (no platform) and sitting closest to the stage I heard an echo every time I spoke, so it dawned on me that the mic was live and I got the guys to chuckle with a few Kmart “Blue Light” special lines. The beers seemed to get taller but I am not a beer guy, so I sipped as the others got sloshed before my eyes. I have no business on a stage singing, but I forgot that without alcohol.

The 7th inning stretch for one game came on, and a drunk at the bar started to sing Take Me Out to the Ball Game in vain while pointing to me. Feeling solidarity with him, I grabbed the mic and insisted everyone joined in. However, this was a replay, and the song was in the clip of a fan falling down some stairs. When we all realized this, somehow we were all a little embarrassed, yet all eyes came back to me, mic mysteriously in my hand and out of the stand like mighty King Arthur himself pulling Excalibur out of the rock. And rock I did. Did I mention I really can’t sing.

Everyone in SD is in to sports, everything is a brewery, so I opened with some stadium chants. It began with stomp-stomp-clap, stomp-stomp-clap, stomp-stomp-clap, Buddy you’re a boy — make a big noise playing in the street, gonna be a big man someday — you got mud on your face, you big disgrace, kickin’ your can all over the place. Then I pointed the mic to the bar patrons. You know how that goes. Then I went to a taboo song which is an easy transition with clapping and shouting… Rock and Roll Part 2 by Gary Glitter.

It was about the third chorus in that the bar staff realized that I was not with the band, and that everyone was really drunk. Shit got out of hand, and they were losing the crowd. They cut off the sound, pointed to the mic in my hand and then the stage. It was last call for me, or so they thought.

I still got in Rappers Delight by the Sugarhill Gang at the table which in itself is a feat to remember the whole song but everyone just had to clap along and I eventually had free beers in front of me and people getting angry I was not drinking them.

Our clients were there, they had a great time, I was extended on that project for as long as possible but I didn’t do almost any work, it was more fun. I firmly believe they go there and talk about me.

50 confidence points; + 0.10 B.A.C

I like to tell people about this, I really enjoyed doing it though I hope to never do it again. Not from fear, but once you do comedy, theater and a concert, what is left to do but retire from the spotlight and go back to code.