A Tesla Is Not A Car

That Tim Guy
4 min readOct 23, 2021


Resident car expert here, wanted to talk about how most Tesla owners that don’t know anything about cars immediately go to a stats sheet or review from some tech blogger on how they are so much better while forgetting everything about driving. This is no different than being an exotic car d-bag.

Many people actually enjoy driving. This is not about electric cars, I have been in to that idea for decades. This is about restricting movement and thinking you are a cool dude in the process.

Boiling a Frog

Slowly but surely, making you believe the car can do everything by burying everything behind menus and screens while you are moving on the highway is going to convince you the aide is your friend, not your captor.

It’s not about efficiency like they lie about to you either. Progressive ideals rapidly become a dystopian techno-future as seen here:


For many, driving is about the pleasure of not only going from A to B, but the process. I can tell you without any hesitation driving a slow car fast is more fun than a fast car fast. After a while you need all the driver aides to keep you alive, and then it ceases to be driving, and more relying on the computer to prevent you from killing yourself. I had a simple 180hp tiny Fiat 500 Abarth that I could drive to the limit and knew it was all me. I shifted, listened to the engine sing, felt the g-forces, and I could have a thrill ride without breaking the speed limit. My dog hated it, so I sold it, only to see it keep topping lists of great driver’s cars in an era of “whatevs” disinterest in cars.

A Tesla is a Means of Conveyance

Tesla’s two major selling points are the acceleration, and the self-driving, which actually isn’t that, it is an advanced assistant, but you all keep saying it is a self-driving car like it would go cross country with your corpse in the back seat. They are working on exactly this, just don’t think it is there just yet.

Some of you Shouldn't be Driving Anyway

A lot of you are terrible, self-entitled drivers. You are indecisive, you hog the passing lane because “you have as much right to the road as anyone else”. Get a Tesla, please, not the Camry, not the Prius, not the Altima, get a Tesla.

I like inter-connected (read: highly hackable) infrastructures to control flow and to automate moving cars to make sure you can get a parking space. Imagine that, come home to a crowded neighborhood and parking on the street is impossible. If only all those cars could automatically compact that space to let one more car in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GGfC5CA2M8 <<< SKILL!

They look like grandma’s Buick

The styling inside and out is not going to raise your pulse, it is going to lull you into a malleable, complacent, flesh puddle. Everything is hidden from you, not to show a cool infotainment screen, but to make you spend more time on a screen and less time as a lange-changing liability weaving through traffic. It is a technology opportunity. Is it bad or better? Not sure, you could say it is more distraction.

The Roadster Looks Good

At least it is not that dull snub-nose bubble. It promises things I’d like to try out, maybe have for around town, but it is not and never will be a racecar.

I’ll buy a Competitor

I must admit, there are times I’d like to get in a car and push a button to take me home. My dog goes everywhere, I live in a narrow canyon, so individually owned transportation is a mandatory for me and fully auto is not an option for the last few miles. Polestars look cool, Canoe, the VW Microbus EV concept, the Ford F150, Audi sportback E-tron wagon, these are a few really cool EVs but they are so impractical for a guy that loves the open road like I do.

Elon has some HORRIBLE Ideas

He’s not a genius in every aspect, he keeps reinventing buses and trains calling them “pods” but people are stupid and takes a european skytram and calls it something else. Then there is a “dugout loop” that is basically another subterranean trolley (bus) to and from Dodger Stadium that just moves the parking lot without solving the car problem. It also only has one (1) lane in and out.


You are being trained through external influence that you have one or you are a nobody. Like Apple.

So are you a person, or just cargo, because that is the system you are opting in to because most people refuse to take public transport when they can get an opportunity to flaunt their possessions.



That Tim Guy

Coder, photog, stick-shifting, animal lover, gardener, cook, comedian, from 11746 living in 90210.